some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
