I wish I could punch you in the face.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
