Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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