He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
