I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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