I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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