Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize