Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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