miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
