we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
