What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
