So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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