I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no. you can't hotbox the world.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
