and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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