So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
