Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
