was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
