I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
