Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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