I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize