I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to make a zoo with you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
