I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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