So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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