...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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