You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
