I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
