There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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