I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
vagina is talking i cant
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
