i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
