Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
