He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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