So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
