you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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