Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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