If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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