Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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