I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
