Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize