Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
