Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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