Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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