Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
