I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have aggressive nipples.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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