Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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