i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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