yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
