How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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