Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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