i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
