I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its not stalking. its research.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
