i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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