So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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