New low: just hacked my moms facebook
only if we run a train.
done.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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