no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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