I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
