Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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