I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize