hotel room ftw
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
