i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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