I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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