Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
