I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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