Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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