Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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