My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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