i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
