she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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