can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
