I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
