They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
