I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
