i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
