Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
