I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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