Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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