Will you blow on my dice?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
