Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
