I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize