he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
