so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
