I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
