I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
